Things They Never Said In Gatekeepers 21
by Sheo Darren
Summary: Edited and reposted. This is a collection of rants, blurbs, opinions and conjectures all humorous on the quirks of the GK 21 people. Please read, laugh your heads off or scream WTF! and then review. Seventh Chapter. Chinamitan and ULTRA HOT NAOKO.
1. Kageyama Reiji

**Things They Never Said In Gatekeepers 21**

**  
Disclaimer: **Gatekeepers, Gatekeepers 21, Gatekeepers 1985 and all other anime/movies/books/etc are not mine. Kageyama, Ayane, Megumi, Misao, Yukino and even Yuuri Shoujo rock! Also, Satoka sucks and Miu should die.

**  
Note:** Bold text are Author's (meaning, **me**) narration and lines.

This is a repost of a series I had already posted but had been deleted because it was in script form. It has been edited accordingly. Anyways, this is a collection of rants, blurbs, opinions and conjectures –all humorous– on the quirks of the Gatekeeper 21 personalities derived from both literary and visual canon sources. Please read, laugh your heads off (an alternate reaction of "WTF?" is also sought) and then review.

**  
Kageyama Reiji**

**  
"Kageyama Reiji hated the world."**

**  
**In the background, the voices of two people can be heard arguing. One is the slighted party in question. The other is the Author of this fan fiction.

"It's Nazo! NAZO! **NAZO!**"

**"Shut up, Reiji. I'm the writer, not you. Kageyama it is."**

**  
"As I was saying: Kageyama Reiji hated the world."**

**  
**And suddenly: A flashback to the original Gatekeepers! With the younger pretty playboy Kageyama in his usual arrogant pose surrounded by lots of hot _joshikusei_ groupies.

"I hate the world and its people. They made me eat shit when I was a kid. Thus I will help the Invaders conquer the world and assimilate all of humankind like the Borg do. We are the Invaders. Lower your shields and deactivate your weapons systems. Resistance is futile…"

**  
"–Even after Ukiya Shun beat him–"**

**  
**Reiji is being sucked into the vacuum that Shun had opened with his full Gate power. His comment of "This sucks" is unheard (having been edited out)but appropriate.

**  
"–And even after coconspirator Kurogane Megumi saved his life during the end of the original Gatekeepers–"**

**  
**Megumi is dragging Reiji off. The former is grumpy. The latter is even more so due the former.

"Why did you save me? I wanted to die! I still hate the world and its people!"

"What an ungrateful person…"

**  
"–Until Megumi slept with him, that is…"**

**  
**On a bed, a naked Reiji is staring at the ceiling. Beside him, the equally nude Megumi is in a funk.

"Damn," she mutters. "That's the last time I'm going drinking with you."

"I was wrong," Reiji realized. "I don't hate the world anymore. I will make it a safer place for Megumi's sake!

(Aside, he was also thinking: _"Also, so I can have more sex with Megumi, too…")_

"He's become even more pathetic– if that's possible…"

**  
"So, Kageyama fought with Shun and Jun Thunders during _Gatekeepers 1985_–"**

**  
**Shun and Jun are fighting Invaders when a familiar figure in glasses and black suddenly comes out of nowhere to help them.

"I will be your ally, Ukiya Shun. Just call me Nazo."

The Invaders and Jun go: "What? Shadow?"

"Oi, Reiji!" Shun grins. "It's nice to have you on the team at last!"

"What?" The newcomer is startled. "How did you know it was me?"

"Dude, it's like your glasses and haughty pose and your Gate abilities give you away."

"Damn, so much for anonymity…"

**  
**The scene cuts to Char Aznable disguised as Quattro Bagina in _Zeta Gundam_.

"What are you looking at?" he demands.

**  
"–And became a good person–"**

**  
**Shun holds a baby Ayane up to Reiji's face. "Here, Ayane-_chan_! Meet your Uncle Reiji!"

Reiji looks dubiously at Ayane as if afraid of being drooled on– which he was. "Are you sure she's your daughter?" he asks.

Ayane creates a small Gate and hits Reiji with _Shinkuu_ Missile, flooring the latter.

Megumi nods. "She certainly is."

**  
"–not to mention getting to sleep with Megumi. That bastard…"**

**  
**"Yeah!" Reiji exults. "This is the life!"

Beside him, an annoyed and exhausted Megumi grumbles, "Don't you even think to rest?"

**  
"–Until Megumi died."**

**  
**Typical Buddhist funeral, with Megumi's picture on her coffin and incense burning. Also, there is Emperor Palpatine on the side.

"Apparently," the evil old man said, "You killed her due to excess sex."

Reiji wailed. Like Anakin Skywalker in Episode III.

**"NO! THAT CAN'T BE! SHE WAS STILL ALIVE WHEN I LAST SAW HER!"**He staggers forward and hold his hands up to heaven (and did a better job at it than Hayden Christiansen could ever hope to do).

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

In the background, the Imperial March starts playing.

**  
**Aside, Megumi's spirit -dressed in simple brown robes and a light blue nimbus- shrugs. "Well, at least I'll get a well-deserved break after everything that sex maniac put me up to…"

**  
"Reiji was disconsolate!"**

**  
**In a nameless bar where countless loveless young men like Terry Bogard and Hibiki Ryoga are drinking themselves insensible, Reiji and the Author are sitting side by side and drinking booze.

"I am disconsolate," Reiji sniffles. "I am drinking booze to console myself, but it is not enough for me. Only Megumi can bring happiness back to me, but she is gone and I am lost in misery and melancholy…"

"Stupid Gonzo," the Author curses before breaking down over his glass of Cali Ice. "Stupid Gotoh Keiiji! You made me fall in love with yet another two-dimensional, non-existent fictional anime girl! And then you had the gall to kill her! Damn you for making my life a series of unrequited romances!"

"You know, Darren, you won't get drunk on that."

"Shut up. I'm just drinking this so they don't kick me out of the bar."

**  
"But then, an inspiration hits like a hammer!"**

**  
**THWACK!

"Ouch!"Reiji clutches at his head and glares at the Author. "What was that for?"

"Plot devices beckon."

**  
"Ukiya Shun had left a little daughter. This girl, Ayane, acted a lot like Reiji– and like Megumi, too!"**

**  
**"I am full of hate for my father because he left my mother all alone to fend for herself," Ayane swears. "I also hate the world and its people because they are so noisy and dirty and a bunch of assholes all."

**  
"So, a plan formed inside Reiji's mind!"**

**  
**"Shun has left his daughter an orphan. I will take care of her– and mold her to become exactly like Megumi!"

**  
"And thus, he put his plan into motion…"**

On her nth birthday, Reiji gives Ayane a pair of glasses that suspiciously look like Megumi's. "Ayane, you must put these glasses on."

"What for?"

"Because they will distinguish you from the maggots who walk this world!" (Aside, he was also thinking: "Also, they will make you look like Megumi!")

"Okay…" Ayane puts on the glasses– and is promptly brainwashed and starts acting like Megumi. Reiji exults.

"Yes!"

**  
"And that is the reason why Reiji is nice to Ayane and rumples her hair affectionately! He used to do the same with Megumi when they were together!"**

**  
**It's the scene from the anime where Reiji rumples Ayane's hair. "Don't work yourself too hard, Ayane," he told her.

She glowers at him. (Cutely, too, in the Author's opinion.) "Don't do that. It messes up my hair."

"Well, that's different from how Megumi reacts."

**"How is it so?"** asks the Author, who materialized out of nowhere with Yukino and Hisame.

"She drops her Iron Wall on me, that's how so."

In a disapproving tone, Yukino rhymes: "When older man rumples hair of young girl, lolicon ideas in head will unfurl."

"Do you always have to talk poetically?" Reiji asked.

Hisame hissed. Then it bit him.

"Aaah! Gate of Rabies!" Reiji then begins to froth at the mouth.

Aside, the Author goes: **"Yukino-_chan_'s cute, too…"**

**  
"And that's the reason why Yuurei Shoujo blew off Kageyama's arm! She was jealous!"**

**  
**Inside Kageyama's apartment with angry Yuurei, comatose Ayane plus Reiji and Miu:

"You pedophile!" raved Yuurei. "How dare you rumple Ayane's hair! Ayane is mine! All mine! Gate: Open!"

"Can't there be a normal boy-girl pairing in _Gatekeepers 21_?" Reiji asked plaintively.

"I love Ayane," Miu announces.

**"Stupid little airhead lesbian ditz,"** thundered the Author. **"Invaders, take her away already!"**

"Ieeeeeeee! _Oka__-san!_"

**"Mother isn't here!"** the Author laughs evilly.

"_Otou__-san!_"

**"Fathers are useless– well, just some of them are. I promise I'll be different from Shun, Ayane!"**

"Ripping off my lines now, too?" muttered Ayane.

**  
"Not to mention the fact that Kageyama's Gate is actually a prude and decides to take his arm off as punishment for fondling Ayane…"**

**  
**Reiji stares at the stump of his missing arm. "Talk about Gatekeepers having sad lives, indeed…"

**  
END**

**  
"Did you guys find this funny? I hope you did. If so, send me reviews!"**

"Damn it, Darren!How dare you turn me into a pedophile? Curse you! I will remove your happiness in the future with my Gate of Discernment by making sure no reviews reach you! Then I'll send you to an alternate dimension of shadows with my Gate of Darkness!"

**"And how dare you deny me my reviews? I'll use my The Will and The Word, a.k.a. the Gate of Cheap Author Godhood Power! Then I'll add Megumi to my harem! Bwahahahahahahaha!"**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MEGUMI IS MINE!"

Near insane Author and horrified Reiji is the mega _meganekko_ trio of Megumi, Misao and Ayane. They all disapprove of the scene.

Megumi: "What a bunch of stupid fan boys."

Misao: "Concur."

Ayane:"Whatever…"

**  
"Next up: Ukiya Ayane!"**

"I don't like that surname."

**"But it's cute! Besides, I have another plan for 'Isuzu' Ayane, you know."**

Ayane shrugs noncommittally. "Whatever."

**"Anyway, please review my ficcie!"**


	2. Ukiya Ayane

**Things They Never Said In Gatekeepers 21**

**  
Disclaimer: **Gatekeepers, Gatekeepers 21, Gatekeepers 1985 and all other anime/movies/books/etc are not mine. Kageyama, Ayane, Megumi, Misao, Yukino and even Yuuri Shoujo rock! Also, Satoka sucks and Miu should die. Please read, laugh your heads off (an alternate reaction of "WTF?" is also sought) and then review.

**  
Note:** Bold text are Author's (meaning, **me**) narration and lines.

**  
Ukiya Ayane**

**  
Ukiya Ayane hated the world.**

**  
**Aside, the Gatekeeper in question gives the Author a chilly stare.

"Isn't this the same way you began insulting Nazo in the earlier chapter?"

**"Would I dare insult you, Ayane-_chan_?"** the Author innocently asks.

Ayane glowers. "I find the suffix –_chan_ demeaning."

**  
She hated the maggots that made the world sucky.**

**  
**"There is no such word as 'sucky'. And I never used the term 'maggots'; only Nazo and Satoka do."

**"You're an unrelenting reviewer, but that's why I like you, Ayane-_chan_."**

"Stop that."

Aside, ex-Author Blackheart ZERO asks: "Don't you get tired of using that same joke again and again?"

**"Never."**

**  
She hated the city she lived in.**

**  
**"The skyscrapers block off the sight of the sky."

**"But if it weren't for the cover provided by those buildings," **the Author vociferously argues, **"Then the hunters would kill all the birds!"**

Ayane considers that. "You're right," she relents.

**"Hurrah!"** The Author starts throwing a party. **"Ayane-_chan_ says I'm right!"**

"I got to stop letting my bias get the better of me…"

**  
She even hated herself.**

**  
**"Wow!" exclaimed the delighted Yuurei Shoujo. "A girl who's just like me, who hates herself for being herself but not being able to change! Let's be friends!"

Ayane doesn't even spare her a glance. "No."

"But why? Is it because you have someone precious to care for?"

"No. It's because you look weird. I wouldn't want to be caught dead in public with someone as abnormal as you."

Rejected, Yuurei runs off to wail on the Author's shoulder while the latter pats her back comfortingly.

"Ayane, _hidoi_"

**"I know just what you feel. People always hurt the ones they love…"**

Ayane made a sarcastic face. "Idiots, the both of them…"

**  
But Ayane loved birds–**

**  
**Ayane watches birds flying in the sky.

"I envy birds. Birds can fly away if they don't like it here. If I would be reborn, I think I want to become a bird."

Four Harrier jumpjets fly over her.

_"__Harrier reporting... like the wind... watch my six..."_

"That was not a bird…"

**  
–So much, that she becomes _really_ scary–**

**  
**The following scene is from Episode Four of _Gatekeepers 21,_ when Ayane and Satoka were fighting Akuma Hakushaku. Akuma had just spread poison gas all over the park. Ayane refuses to fight until she catches sight of the birds that died due to the poison.

"Damn you! I'll kill you!"

So saying, she proceeds to go Orochi on Akuma Hakushaku.

Aside, Satoka is actually stunned by her fellow Gatekeeper's viciousness. "I take back all the bad things I said about you…"

**  
–When someone messes with birds.**

**  
**The entire scene takes on the appearance of a _Guilty Gear_ game screen. Ayane is the human player while Akuma Hakushaku is the computer player.

**Ayane: **"Reppuken! Double Reppuken! Raging Force!"

**Akuma: **"Hadouken! Shouryuken! Shun Goku Satsu!"

Astonishingly, Ayane counters Akuma's Shun Goku Satsu with her _Shinkuu__ Nage!_

_"What? How can that be?"_ The Outsider cannot believe it. _"According to game physics and logic, Shun Goku Satsu can't be blocked!"_

"Hah! Do you think an attack with the name of my father can faze me? Besides," adds Ayane as she is surrounded by evil purple winds a la Rock Howard, "I'm a favorite character of the Author! In this story, I've been God Moded! Now: die! _Gate Full Open! NEO DEADLY RAVE!"_

_"NOOO!"_

A drop of sweat materializes on the watching Satoka's forehead.

**  
See? She even uses the Gate of Gales if she's pissed off, despite her dislike for it.**

**  
**A random driver loses his temper at a pigeon going to the potty on the hood of his expensive new Mercedes Benz. "Stupid pigeon left crap on my car! Die!"

He promptly turns into an Invader with shock cannons jutting out his stomach and tries to kill the bird. However, Ayane comes up behind him with a _bokken_.

"Oh, no, you don't! _Ultra Senpuu Ki!_"

**  
And there was the time that poor stupid little airhead ditz Miu– too horrible to reminisce upon–**

**  
**Miu offers her fellow Gatekeeper a sandwich.

"Isuzu-_san_, would you like a chicken sandwich?"

Ayane regards her with intense loathing and hatred, as if the latter was Shun himself.

"You eat birds. I hate you. We're not friends anymore."

"Eh? I-Isuzu-_san?"_

Behind Ayane, Yuurei in a black helmet and cloak materializes. "Yes," she drones in a Darth Vader voice. "Join me, Ayane. I am your _friend_…"

**  
–And that counts Thanksgiving dinner out, too.**

**  
**"The Mayflower's descendants shall pay dearly for this foul atrocity against fowl!"

Ayane waves a sword while raging. Aside, the Author is quite intimidated.

**"_Kowaii__… kowaii…_"**

**  
But wait; doesn't the Author like to eat chicken?**

**  
**Ayane promptly turns on the offending Author with an evil look in her eyes.

**"Oh, crap…"**

**  
But let us turn to other things, like how Ayane acts unlike her nationality and age–**

**  
**"What is that supposed to mean?" Ayane demands.

(**Note: **Apparently, the Author survived getting mauled earlier.)

**"Well, you're just sixteen or seventeen but you drive mopeds and cars under the age limit. And you drive at high speeds, too. You go around carrying illegal deadly weapons: your cell phones. You kill people– okay, you kill things that were once people but who turned into Invaders due their greed and selfishness. Still! You kill people! And you work! It's against the law in ****Japan**** for a high school student to work! That's wrong!"**

"And you eat chicken," was her crisp retort. "I hate you."

"Ayane-_chan_, _hidoi_"

**  
–And how she acts so much like Megumi–**

**  
**Ayane looks exasperated. At least, she looks more exasperated than usual.

"Will you never get it over with?"

**"But that's what makes you awesome, Ayane-_chan_! You and Megumi are so similar!"**

"Megumi took care of me for a while when I was a kid. That's why I took her as a role model– unlike my stupid father."

The Author blinked. **"When did _that_ happen?"**

"Go buy the 1985 graphic novel."

**"But I can't go to ****Japan****, not in a million years!"**

"Good. I'll be long dead before you get there."

**"Ayane-_chan_, _hidoi_!"**

**  
–And some of her coolest lines–**

**  
**"Want to do something interesting?"

The Author blinks, stares, gapes, begins blushing and starts backpedaling.

**"Eh, Ayane-_chan_ I like you as a friend and all, but maybe we should postpone it for our wedding night?"**

So saying, he sheepishly smiles a la player character from an H-game who is hitting on the lead female.

BOP.

**"Ow."**

"Serves you right, _sukebe__."_

**  
–And quirks–**

**  
"Is there a thing with your coat's abilities related to its color? Because when you wore your red coat, you were invincible; but when you wore your yellow one, that Invader managed to cheap-shot you."**

"Observant, aren't you?"

**  
–And how she hates her father with a vengeance.**

**  
**"My father is a womanizer. He's never home. He left me and my mother to fend for ourselves. I hate him."

**"And he had all those cute girls around him all that time, too. Damn, I _so_ hate Shun!"**

**  
But we all know the ending to that, don't we?**

**  
**In the streets of the restored Tokyo, Shun smiles at his daughter.

"You did great, Ayane."

Ayane blinks. "Aren't you dead?" she asks.

'Shun' turns out to be Kageyama Reiji in disguise.

"**YES!** I have succeeded with my plans, Shun! Your daughter is no longer Ayane, but Megumi! My lover shall live on through her!" Reiji begins laughing aloud.

Tired of all this, all Ayane can say and do is:

"_Baka__ desu.__ Shinkuu_ Missile."

**  
END**

**  
"Why is it that the second chapter is harder to write than the first one?"**

Yukino answers: "The spring of inspiration geysers up to the sky… but moments later it begins to die."

Ayane elaborates: "That meant 'Inspiration is harder the second time around'."

**"Can't you talk normally, Yukino-_chan_?_"_**

Yukino: "The mysterious aura of vagueness is the very factor that raises its coolness."

Ayane: "Mainly, she said, 'It isn't half as cool as saying it out straight'."

**"Um… right. Anyway, the next chapter will be all about our favorite _haiku-_loving snow girl: Hojo Yukino!"**

"Reviews are most wanted by the esteemed author; please send them, our equally loved and adored sponsors." Yukino bows.

**"That's the way to go, Yukino-_chan_! Read and review, please!"**


	3. Hojo Yukino

**Things They Never Said In Gatekeepers 21**

**  
**This is a collection of rants, blurbs, opinions and conjectures –all humorous– on the quirks of the Gatekeeper 21 personalities derived from both literary and visual canon sources. Please read, laugh your heads off (an alternate reaction of "WTF?" is also sought) and then review.

**  
Disclaimer: **Gatekeepers, Gatekeepers 21, Gatekeepers 1985 and all other anime/movies/books/etc are not mine. Kageyama, Ayane, Megumi, Misao, Yukino and even Yuurei Shoujo rock! Also, Satoka sucks and Miu should die. laughs out loud 

**  
Hojo Yukino**

**  
Hojo Yukino is the ageless Gatekeeper of Ice–**

**  
"And before you comment on that," **the Author pleads with the ghostly _yukata_ girl in question, "**Please: just talk _normally_. I have a hard time writing your lines in order to make your words rhyme."**

"_Time… Line… Rhyme… They all rhyme fine."_

"**Never mind…"**

**  
–And she's a bit weird, if you think about it…**

**  
**"_The poet's rhyme resembles icy 'rime'."_

"**All I'm asking for is for you to talk shorter and stop rhyming. Is that _too _much to ask?"**

**  
I mean, look! One: She looks eleven or twelve, but she wears lipstick!**

**  
**"_It gives me the impression, my dear, of being older than I appear."_

"**I give up." **The Author throws his hands up in the air. "**Talk whatever way you want."**

"_Thank you."_

There was a long moment of silence. Then:

"**What? She spoke only one word that didn't rhyme?"**

So saying, the Author promptly goes crazy, what with the end of the world approaching.

**  
Two: She pops out of the thin air!**

**  
**Yuurei Shoujo is sort of surprised by Yukino's appearance, but she seems to know all about her 'opposite number'.

"You used your power of teleportation, didn't you?"

"_I use Instant Transmission; yours, the Gate of Obliteration."_

"Sheo, I can see now why she makes you wince and cringe."

"**At least someone appreciates my sorrows…"**

"Idiots," comments Hoshino Ruri on the side.

"Concur," Ayane and Megumi agree.

**  
She helps utter losers– OW!**

**  
**The Author rubs the sore spot on his head. Grown-up Ukiya Saemi has an annoyed expression, hands on hips and a paper fan in the right.

"**What was that for?"**

"I protest the accusation that I was an 'utter loser' back in the original Gatekeepers. So Yukino-_chan_ looked after me back then. I didn't have a Gate. What do you expect me to do, throw rocks at the Invaders?"

"**Meanie!"**

**  
That pet weasel of hers is weird, too!**

**  
**Hisame is sniffing around curiously. "Pichiii!"

"_Kawaii!_" Miu makes as if to pick it up. She is promptly stopped by a frenzied Reiji.

"No! Miu! Don't! It had rabies! It bites! You'll turn into a were-weasel!"

"The man obsessed with Megumi," Yukino recites sagely, "Is quite much very silly."

Megumi nods at her wisdom. "Cheers to that."

"**Wah," **sobs the disconsolate Author, "**All the girls I like love to bully and tease me."**

Ayane grimaces. "Idiot."

**  
Most of all, she talks weird!**

**  
**In the ruined AEGIS Far East Branch base under Tategami High, two high school girls –one _meganekko_ beloved by the Author; the other hatefully consigned to tentacle monster abyss– are confronted by the local _haiku_-reciting _loli_.

"_The trusted road is not always the road to be taken. Tread carefully, with feet unstopping. Wear shoes, my dear."_

Miu is promptly scared out of her nonexistent wits. "It's a curse, Isuzu-_san!_"

"Japan's oldest anthology of poems," a nonplussed Ayane comments on the side.

"**SHE IS NOT OLD!"** the Author bellows. "**SHE IS CUTE AND SMART AND HOT, BUT SHE IS NOT OLD!"**

"_Lolicon_. Necrophiliac. Fan boy. Wuss."

"**Wah!** **Ayane-_tan_, _hidoi_!"**

**  
Here's her most infamous example!**

**  
**As Yukino watches the UP 15 burst out of its underground hangar one last time:

"Oh… It's so intense."

"**Just _what_ does she mean by _that_?"** the curious Author innocently asks– and is promptly bonked on the back of his head by the disapproving Ayane.

"Bad Sheo."

"**Eh? What? What did I say?"**

**  
And yet another!**

**  
**In the last episode:

"The girl who holds the blade of destruction over the world," Yukino pronounces to the angry Yuurei Shoujo, "Is but a fool dulled to the heart."

And that is when the even angrier Satoka appears when it is not yet her scene.

"'Blade of destruction' means my Gate of Tearing, right? How dare you backstab me like that, you Tokugawa-era _yukata-_loving weasel-keeping flower-wearing ghost girl!"

Everyone stares at Satoka as if she was a little yapping dog with two heads.

"Can I erase her?" curiously asked Yuurei.

"**I'll help you, even,"** suggests the Author.

**  
But Yukino herself is _uber_ cute.**

**  
"And the coolest part is that you don't age! You stay that same age forever! You stay forever cute! Wow!"**

"_Your bias, I fear, is getting to your head, my dear."_

**  
Especially her schoolgirl outfit (the only thing Miu ever got right, and she had Mommy to help out there).**

**  
**"_The effect of serafuku upon a boy is, for Paris, exactly like Helen of Troy."_

"**Translates to 'So _moe_'…"**

**  
And we now all know that the author is a fan boy.**

**  
"Just acknowledge yourself as cute, and I'll stop being so annoying."**

"_Haii."_

"**Yay!"**

**  
END**

**  
"Gah! It's still shorter than Kageyama's part! I hope it's as funny, though…"**

"When do I get to appear?" Yuurei Shoujo asked.

"**The time of your appearance… is not far in terms of distance."**

"Yukino has gotten to your head, Sheo."

"**Next up, the Ghost Girl: Yuurei Shoujo! Read and review!"**


	4. Yuurei Shoujo

**Things They Never Said In Gatekeepers 21**

**  
**This is a collection of rants, blurbs, opinions and conjectures –all humorous– on the quirks of the Gatekeeper 21 personalities derived from both literary and visual canon sources. Please read, laugh your heads off (an alternate reaction of "WTF?" is also sought) and then review.

**  
Disclaimer: **Gatekeepers, Gatekeepers 21, Gatekeepers 1985 and all other anime/movies/books/etc are not mine. Kageyama, Ayane, Megumi, Misao, Yukino and even Yuurei Shoujo rock! Also, Satoka sucks and Miu should die. laughs out loud 

**  
Yuurei Shoujo**

**  
Yuurei Shoujo is a pitiable person.**

**  
**"Pitiable?" half protests, half wonders the blonde fallen Gatekeeper.

"**Bear with me. We'll get to it in time."**

"That does not reassure me somehow."

**  
She is a very twisted girl.**

**  
**When Ayane confronts her in Episode Six,Yuureigestures to smashed city whose residents had all been turned into Invaders

"Look! Look at the quiet world with no one in it. The noisy, dirty, self-serving humans are nowhere to be found. And, look!" She gestures to the swarms of flying gargoyle-like Invaders she created. "All you can see are the birds you love so much, flying smart, beautiful and free!"

"You know the scary part?" Ayane tells the Author. "She sort of makes sense in a twisted sort of way…"

"**Agreed."**

**  
See?**

**  
**Yuurei stands right in the middle of the Red Fire Gate laughing her head off at Ayane's attempt to kill her and looking very deranged.

"If I turn everyone in the world into Invaders… Yes! In the end, you will be forced to be my friend!"

"Sigmund Freud never had to analyze the psyches of Invaders," Ayane grumbled, "Much less spectral undead who are also lesbian…"

**  
Yes. Yuurei is _lesbian_–**

**  
**Flashback to Episode Five, Yuurei kisses the unconscious Ayane on the lips.

"So that was what that cold feeling on my lips was…" Ayane mutteres.

"Did you like it?" Yuurei cheerily inquires.

"Actually, I thought I was dreaming about a Gothic Sleeping Beauty."

"No!" Miu protests. "It should be me kissing Isuzu-_san_!"

"**Die." **So saying, the Author starts throwing popcorn at Miu.

"_Iieee!_ Why just me? Why not Yuurei, too?"

"**I like her, and I think she's smart enough to be reformed– unlike _you_."**

"_Iieee!_ Bias!"

**  
–But tragic music plays here now her love is unrequited.**

**  
**"Someone who hates herself," Ayane murmurs as she grasps Yuurei's crystal globe containing the latter's bones, "shouldn't want someone like herself as her friend."

"Does that mean… are you dumping me?"

"_Shinkuu _Missile."

"A simple 'Yes' would have done it..."

**  
And here she becomes pitiable. Really…**

**  
**"Do we have to go on with this?" whimpers the pitiable Yuurei.

"**As the old people say, 'the show –or OVA or, in this case, the fan fiction– must go on'…"**

"You're cruel!"

"**Yes. I suppose I am."**

**  
The odd thing is, in the end, you begin to pity her.**

**  
**Yuurei is all desolate because she can't hold her bones anymore and is fading away into nothingness.

"Oh, no. I can't even touch myself anymore." So saying, Yuurie cries to herself, all the while looking pretty enough when she's sad and forlorn.

"I actually feel sorry for her," Ayane admits.

"**Me, too,"** sniffles the Author.

**  
To quote her: "Even Yukino didn't understand me."**

**  
"Shouldn't that be, 'Even _I_ didn't understand _Yukino_', not the other way around?"**

"Nitpicker…"

"My mysterious style of talking," Yukino rhymes out, "baffles Yuurei into crying…"

Yuurei breaks into tears. "You're mean, all of you…"

**  
But Yuurei actually looks good when pitiable!**

**  
"I refer to scenes in Episode Six when Yuurei was down and unhappy or surprised. Example: The part immediately after the Red Fire Gate parts to let you see Ayane say, 'Someone who hates herself…' or, the part starting with Yuurei trying to get her bones, the one where she was whimpering all the while until she inverted her Gate."**

"Obsessive," Ayane comments.

"Did I really look cute then?" asks Yuurei.

"Sheo has an affinity for helpless girls. It comes with being a repressed fan boy who likes H-game fodder girls."

"**Ayane-_chan_, you are so cruel…"**

**  
In that regard, she could also use some fashion and behavioral advice…**

**  
"Don't open your pupils and eyes too wide. They make you look crazy, you know. Instead, adopt a somewhat sad expression on your face, like that of a little girl who just lost her favorite pet puppy dog. Try not to glare, since the resulting distortion on your eyebrows is bad. Be demure and soft and vulnerable in your actions."**

"Will this get me Ayane?"

"… **Let's review what I told you, okay? Okay!"**

"You're dodging the issue…"

**  
Of course, we can always demand –and maybe get– the PS Game version instead.**

**  
**"I may hold my skull directly," Game Yuurei states, "but I'm cute, even without my trying actively!"

OVA Yuurei sports puppy dog eyes of adoration. "Can we be friends?

"Uh… I guess so, yes."

"Yay! Let's make a world for ourselves only, okay?"

"Okay... I think…"

Aside, the Author watches the giant robot thingy that attacks Odaiba.

"**She never changes…"**

**  
END**

**  
"There go the fun people I love and enjoy. Now I have to make the stories for the useless ones."**

"Who are you calling useless?" Satoka demands.

"**Puss, will you take her for me?"**

The swashbuckling cat that Antonio Banderas voices in _Shrek 2_ appears with fencing sword in hand. "En guard!"

"Gate Full Open!" Satoka brandishes her huge sword and rushes him. However, Puss puts on the ploy where he becomes so cute that you want to cuddle him instead of destroy him.

"Aww– Wait, why am I acting out of character?"

"Ah hah!" Puss stabs Satoka while she left herself open.

"Argh!"

"**Next up: Satoka. If I ever get the inspiration to do it…"**


	5. Tachikawa Satoka

**Things They Never Said In Gatekeepers 21**

**  
Note:** Bold text are Author's (meaning, **me**) narration and lines.

This is a repost of a series I had already posted but had been deleted due to it having violated certain rules. Anyways, this is a collection of rants, blurbs, opinions and conjectures –all humorous– on the quirks of the Gatekeeper 21 personalities derived from both literary and visual canon sources. Please read, laugh your heads off (an alternate reaction of "WTF?" is also sought) and then review.

**  
Disclaimer: **Gatekeepers, Gatekeepers 21, Gatekeepers 1985 and all other anime/movies/books/etc are not mine. Kageyama, Ayane, Megumi, Misao, Yukino and even Yuurei Shoujo rock! Also, Satoka sucks and Miu should die. laughs out loud

**  
Tachikawa Satoka**

**  
Satoka… Satoka… Umm, what was her last name again?**

**  
**The Gatekeeper in question can barely keep herself from not jumping the Author.

"Are you doing this on purpose?"

"**Much as I'd like to say 'Yes' in order to piss you off: no."** The Author browses through Wikipedia, the best friend of all crammers. "**Ah. Tachikawa Satoka. There we are. Right. Now, where were we? Oh, yes…**

**  
Tachikawa Satoka is a rip-off–**

**  
**"Rip-off?" the tinted-hairedGatekeeper demands angrily.

"**Of course, 'homage' is the politically correct term– but then again, it _is_ the truth."**

"How about I rip _you_ off?" Complete with threatening brandish of metaphysical sword. But the Author only gestures.

"**See? She even wants to turn herself into me!"** Beneath his breath:** "Shameless bitch."**

"What did you say?"

"**Carrying on–"**

**  
One: She rips off Final Fantasy's 'guy with big sword' idea.**

**  
**Grim-faced Ramza, Cloud Strife, Squall Leonheart, Steiner and Tidus surrounded Satoka. "Give us back our swords."

"But-"

"No."

Grumbling, Satoka surrenders said items.

**  
Two: She rips off Hellsing.**

**  
**In the battle scene beneath the bridge from Episode 5, Satoka slaughters Invaders left and right, skids to halt and challenges "Hurry!"

Out of the darkness next to her promptly materializes Alucard (_Hellsing)_.

"Hurry. Hurry. Hurry!" The Master Vampire cackles. "Show me your next technique…"

Aside, Satoka actually steps back, actually (and understandably) intimidated.

**  
Expanding on the previous, she also rips off Father Alexander Anderson.**

**  
**Continuing the previous scene, from behind the startled Satoka rises said Iscariot Paladin, waving his sharp bayonet knives. "Dust to dust. Amen."

Father Anderson and Alucard promptly start fighting. Satoka is caught in the middle of the exchange of .454 and 13mm bullets, bayonets and insane cackling.

"Hurry! Hurry! HURRY!"

"He he he HE HE HE HE HEEEEEEEE!"

"Ack! Stupid Sheo! Stop crossing _Gatekeepers 21_ with all these freaky anime!"

**  
Third: She rips off H-games.**

**  
**It's the same area from Episode 5 under the bridge, this time with the last Invader trying to grab her from behind.

"**Guess where his hands are before he dies?"**

The Author snickers. The Invader in question shudders.

"_Ugh. These are low quality ones in both size and composition. I wasted my efforts for nothing. Should have gone after that Miu chick instead: Better boobs and ground zero for the OVA's fan service, not to mention she's helpless as a baby…"_

Satoka, dying from embarrassment, bashes the Invader with a mallet. "_Hentai!_"

**  
Four: She rips of Trowa Barton's hairstyle from _Gundam Wing_. Not as pronounced, but the resemblance is striking.**

**  
**"For the last time," Satoka hotly declaims to the Author, while Yukino materializes beside her: "I do _not_ use egg white to keep my hair still."

"The bonfire of the vanities," Yukino pronounces, "Is a book."

"Eh? The what?"

"**You are illiterate,"** the Author notes.

**  
And she's a murderer!**

**  
**Kageyama glares at the camera. "Aren't you done tormenting me?"

"**I'm not tormenting you. I just want to quote you."**

"Right… Like I believe you…"

**  
Anyway…**

**  
**Kageyama turns to Miu. "…In a sense, we are murderers." Then he flinches, freezes, blinks and shakes his head. "Wow. Nothing happened."

Kageyama is promptly mobbed by an army of badgers.

"ARGH!"

**  
See? Their boss himself says so.**

**  
**"So, you condone what I do?" Ayane asks.

"**No. What _you_ want to do is _your_ business, Ayane-_chan_."**

"Stop calling me Ayane-_chan._"

"**Okay, Ayane-_tan_."**

"You are _infuriating_, aren't you?"

"**If you say you like me a lot, I'll stop."**

Ayane miffs. "Go flirt with Yukino."

"**Ayane-_tan_, _hidoi…"_**

**  
But Satoka is the worst! She's a raving psychotic killing machine!**

**  
**Satoka, having just killed Chinami and Naoko, her swords dripping blood and gore while Chinami's head bounces off Miu's knee before turning into a crystal, turns on Miu.

"Any dissent?"

For once, Miu is smart. "_Ettou…_ none from my part!"

"**Yes on my part." **Then the Author throws a live octopus at Satoka.

"Ack!"

**  
Most of all: Satoka rips off Sohryu Asuka Langley.**

**  
"When it comes to seriously-PMS-afflicted _uber_ bitch chicks that just as seriously kick ass, there is only one name in the anime multi-verse to hold up as the beacon of oppressive terror this particularly spectacular specimen of the fair sex radiates. But then,"** the Author points out, **"I like Ayanami Rei more."**

Beside him, the intimidated Ikari Shinji nods. "_Haii…"_

**  
ASUKA IS THE ONE AND ONLY RULING QUEEN BITCH!**

**  
**"UNTA BAKA! UNTA BAKA! UNTA BAKA!"

Satoka kowtows in worship of Asuka. "I am not worthy…"

**  
And the punishment for trying to usurp Asuka is:**

**  
**Kageyama poses awesomely before going off to kick Invader butt in Episode 2. "The death penalty!"

Then he gets mobbed by badgers. Again.

"ACK! SHEO!"

**  
END**

**  
"_Neprada_… I actually wrote all of that?"**

"Inspiration comes from the oddest of sources," Ayane points out.

"**Well, it _is _short, but I hope it's funny. Well, time to move on to my next victim."**

"And that is?" Miu asks.

"**Someone with long brown hair tied up in a pigtail, who likes flirting with boys, who keeps chittering in situations that shouldn't be laughing matters, who is absolutely useless in a battle, and who happens to be the Gatekeeper of Flight."**

"Who's that?" the still-mystified Miu asks. The Author shrugs.

"**What an idiot…"**


	6. Miu

**Things They Never Said In Gatekeepers 21**

**  
Disclaimer: **Gatekeepers, Gatekeepers 21, Gatekeepers 1985 and all other anime/movies/books/etc are not mine. Kageyama, Ayane, Megumi, Misao, Yukino and even Yuurei Shoujo rock! Also, Satoka sucks and Miu should die. (laughs out loud)

**  
Note:** Bold text are Author's (meaning, **me**) narration and lines.

**  
Manadzuru Miu**

**  
Everyone hates Miu to one degree or another.**

**  
**"_Iieee_!"

"**And you can now predict that her lines for this chapter will mostly consist of that shriek."**

"_Iieee_!"

"**See?"**

**  
Satoka despises Miu.**

**  
**"What a complete and utter loser," mutters the Gatekeeper.

"**Well, that's _one_ thing we agree on."**

"_Iieee!"_

**  
Ayane hates Miu.**

**  
**"Are you putting words in my mouth again?" Ayane demands of the Author.

"**Would I ever do that to you, my darling Ayane-_chama_?"**

"You just get worse and worse, you know that?"

**  
As I was saying: Ayane-_chama_ hates Miu.**

**  
**Episode 2, the first Invader car chase, where Ayane is ordering Miu to jump onto the Invader truck and Miu is being her usual useless self.

"Idiot. Buffoon. Useless."

"That is my line, little girl," interjects Geese Howard, who is somehow able to catch up to Ayane's speeding moped despite being on foot.

"_Iieee_!" The startled Miu rockets off the scooter on sheer leg power alone–

"Well, what do you know, that actually wor–"

**WHAM.**

"–correction: what an idiot…"

"Waste of time," agreed Geese.

**  
Really. She does.**

**  
**Towards the end of Episode 3, in the bakeshop:

"I should hate you– but I don't." Ayane looks almost helpless, which magnifies her cuteness. "We're not friends, after all."

"_Iieee_!"

"Cut! Miuhara, that's the fifteenth time already this hour! How many times do I have to drill it in your head? _That's not in your script for this scene_!"

"_Iieee_!"

**  
–And if any readers still remember my first chapter… **

**  
**"You tried to make me eat a chicken sandwich. Poisoner. Swine. I hate you."

"_Iieee_!"

**  
Going on, that cop guy who turned into an Invader hates her.**

**  
**"Come on," That Cop Guy Who Turned Into An Invader complains, "Can't you at least remember my name? You remembered Satoka's last name in the previous chapter, for GAINAX and GONZO's sake!"

"**No, I didn't. I consulted Wikipedia. Besides, you are a useless side character who has no real impact on the story. Why should I waste my energy and brain cells remembering you? Plus, your name never appears on Wiki either."**

"_Iieee_!"

"**Shut up, Miu."**

"Yeah, shut up."

"_Iieee_!"

**  
Yuurei Shoujo especially hates Miu**

**  
**Yuurei chases after Miu with a Pentel Pen marker. "Ayane is mine! All mine!"

"_Iieee_!"

"**That has to be the saddest chase scene I've ever seen in my life."**

"_Iieee!"_

**  
Certainly _I_ hate Miu.**

**  
**"Of that proposition," Yukino sagely poses, "There is certainly no question."

"**Aye, Yuki–_tan_."**

"_Iieee_!"

**  
And I'm sure that even Chinami and Naoko–**

**  
**April, one of the readers who reviewed this chapter, appears, along with the equally indignant Chinami and Naoko.

"Sheo, you're getting out of character again," April goes.

"Don't put words in our mouths without us knowing!" both Chinami and Naoko complain.

"**_Gomen,_ April-_tan_, Chinami-_tan_, Nao-_tan…_"**

All three girls stare at the attachment of cutesy honorifics to their names. Aside, Ayane shakes her head in commiseration. "You girls are in so much trouble."

Miu runs past screaming "_Iieee_!"

**  
Since I've run out of people who hate Miu, I'll just mention the times she should have died in the series.**

**  
**"Like, all the times she should have died because of her stupidity?" Ayane asked.

"**That's rather general, Ayane-_chama_, but correct. Like the time she caught Yukino in Episode Six. Basic physics, you see. The combined force of their speeding bodies –Yuki-_tan_ accelerating downwards, Miu jumping upwards– should have shattered Miu's body into a million pieces."**

"But your dear Yuki-_tan_ would have died too if that was true."

"**Why, Ayane-_chama!_ You're right! Thank goodness Miu defied the laws of physics and killed a cat girl while at it."** The Author then pauses, realizing he has been had. **"Ayane-_chama, hidoi wa…_"**

"One for me," smiles Ayane.

"_Iieee_!"

**  
Finally, this chapter would not be complete without one last thing:**

**  
**"_Iieee_!"

**  
Yeah. That felt _so_ good.**

**  
END**

**  
"Line-up of major characters finished. Secondary characters in line. Chinami-_tan_ and Nao-_tan_ up next: Hurrah!"**

"Why does Sheo keep affixing –_tan_ to our names?" Chinami asks.

"It's an ultra-cutesy affectation reserved for people you find," Naoko explains, "Far cuter than –_chan_."

"Not to mention far more annoying," Ayane added. "But what can you expect? Sheo's a fan boy, through and through…"

Chinami goes into semi-_chibi_ mode from Episode 6: "_Reh?_"

"**Nao-_tan_ is great, too…"**

Sweat-dropping, Naoko does do her pose from Episode 6: "Anyway, read and review…"


	7. Chinami and Naoko

**Things They Never Said In Gatekeepers 21**

**  
Disclaimer: **Gatekeepers, Gatekeepers 21, Gatekeepers 1985 and all other anime/movies/books/etc are not mine. Kageyama, Ayane, Megumi, Misao, Yukino and even Yuurei Shoujo rock! Also, Satoka sucks and Miu should die. (laughs out loud)

**  
Note:** Bold text are Author's (meaning, **me**) narration and lines.

**  
Chinami and Naoko**

**  
Chinami and Naoko are basically eye candy.**

**  
**"HEY!"

"I resent that…"

**  
But they're really _nice_ eye candy!**

**  
**"And this just proves my point," Ayane announces. "Sheo is a perverted lolicon fan boy."

"**AYANE-_CHAMA_! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT OF YOUR MOST LOYAL AND LOVING FAN? I'M, LIKE, ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY UPDATE MY GK 21 FICS!"**

"Oh, please… You only have one fic; it's a stupid story, at that; and you only update it once every several months. What kind of faithfulness is _that_? You're as bad as M–"

"_Iieee!"_

"Didn't even let me complete my comment before wailing…"

"_Iieee!"_

"**Your chapter is over, fan service trigger twit. Trouble us no longer. Go find yourself a corner to curl up and die in."**

"_Iieee!"_

**  
Chinami is cute–**

**  
**"Of course I am," the girl in question agrees, displaying her two ponytails and petite figure with relish. "I'm the definition of _cute_ for this series!"

Yukino appears and recites without emotion: "The Old English meaning of the word 'cute'… is 'buck-toothed and bow-legged'."

Chinami freezes. She turns into a cement statue. A crack appears at one of her ponytails. She crumbles into dust. A pathetic wind blows her remains away.

"**Um… not _that_ kind of cute, Yuki-_tan_…"**

"Was it to learn what cute meant in ancient times– or to hear me not talk in rhymes?"

"**Both, I daresay. Poor Chinami-_tan_…"**

**  
And Naoko is just– plain out SEXAY!**

**  
**Naoko, drinking a glass of juice, spews it all onto Miu. "WHAT WAS **THAT**?"

"_Iieee!"_

**  
Yeah! She's so sexy! That thin figure–**

**  
**Naoko self-consciously grabs at her waist–

**  
–short-cut hair that both exudes a tomboyish air while also naughtily showing off the sexy curve of the nape of her neck–**

**  
**–and the back of her neck.

**  
–plus a pretty but strong yet gentle face you just can't stop staring at–**

**  
**Said face promptly blushes madly.

**  
–and such a _mature_ name that it requires a –_chan_ to tone it down to cutesy levels… _NAOKO… _pah-fact…**

"The hell!" Naoko is all red and fury at her over-the-top description. "Sheo! Take all that back! NOW!"

**  
Like Akemi from _Saikano_, but younger! Maybe she's Akemi's younger sister or a reincarnation; maybe a character model, even. They look _so_ alike…**

**  
**"Are you even listening to me? I said: take it all back or else–"

Beside Naoko, Akemi (who does look sort of like her, save Akemi's hair is a lighter shade of brown) shrugs. "I tried that with him once. It didn't work."

**  
And she looks even hotter when she's angry– **

**  
**"I give up. You're right, Ayane. He's a fan boy just like the rest of them."

"Adjourned…"

**  
–but she's at her best when she's just that little bit flustered/frustrated with the situation and poses accordingly with her fingers stepped on her forehead, like towards the end of Episode 6 with that crazy cop accusing them…**

**  
**"Mental Note to self: Do not do that anymore."

**  
And– hmm, I seem to have run out of metaphors for Naoko. Ah, well.**

**  
**"Thank goodness for that." "Hey– why isn't he attaching a _tan_ to my name anymore?"

Naoko freezes.

**  
A little tip to their horror: calling a Japanese person by his or her name without any honorific is the highest kind of honorific there is. **

**  
**"SHEO!"

"**Myahahahahahahahaha…"**

**  
END**

**  
**"SHEO! COME BACK HERE YOU PERV!"

The highly-furious and embarrassed Naoko chases after the dastardly Author with a mallet. Everyone else just stares agog at the scenario.

"Beginning this chapter," Ayane somberly mutters, "I am now officially afraid of him.

"**Next chapter: the long-awaited and promised Isuzu Ayane chapter!"**

"… No…"


End file.
